Jada Pinkett Smith is opening up about her struggles with mental health. On Monday’s episode of her Facebook Watch series Red Table Talk, the 47-year-old star opens up with her mother Adrienne Banfield-Jones, her 18-year-old daughter, Willow, and guest Kid Cudi on her suicidal thoughts, which seemed to crest as she began to achieve critical success.

Says Jada of a breakdown that happened when she was 20: “I had an emotional breakdown that definitely I feel like affected my mental stability. … I became extremely suicidal. I had a complete emotional collapse. When you just don't have control over your emotions, your thoughts, you feel completely and utterly out of control.”

Jada says she moved to L.A. and found success, which counter-intuitively made her depression worse. “They put me on Prozac, it was, like, five milligrams, but once it disrupted my sex drive I said, 'Look, that's the one thing I have in my life …'” she says with a laugh. “That was the thing that got me off of Prozac. They put me on it just so I could get to a place where I could talk about what was happening, where I could function.”

“I was severely depressed and that was something I battled for years,” she continues. “Waking up in the morning was the worst part of the day.”

She admits to turning to drinking and drugs at a certain point to combat depression and anxiety.

“I was doing ecstasy because I wanted to party,” she recalls. “I was doing ecstasy, weed and a bottle of Courvoisier, because I wanted to get lit. I wasn't making the connection.”